The Name: Selah Joy Caroline

 “So what’s her name?”  Was the constant question, always.  Even in birth, I couldn’t answer.  For the first time in ten pregnancies, I was not sure of the name by birthing day.  I couldn’t answer, or then it would be official. I just knew I HAD to meet her first.  

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Selah. Karis. Verity. Jubilee. Joy. or Caroline ???  Irv had approved, but was kind to let me choose!  We prayed, voted, posted on the family chalkboard, asked for prayer.  The children had differing votes between Selah, Karis, and Caroline.

 Selah:

“To Praise, Pause and Exalt the Lord;

To take in, breath, weigh, absorb, and reflect upon what has just been said.

God has spoken”

 “Say-La” is the Christian pronunciation and “See-La” is the Hebrew.  Be chose “Say-La”.

The word Selah appears 74 times in the Bible, three times in the book of Habakkuk and 71 times in Psalms.  It is a pause in the book of Psalms, similar to Amen – as it stresses the truth and importance of the previous passage.

 I have had this name in my heart since my pregnancy with Eden, NINE years ago.  Eden and Selah were the names if I was expecting twins. It is a subtle, unique way to evangelize our faith with an atypical Christian baby name.   It is ranked #470 in 2016 social security rankings, and is increasing in popularity.

 Joy:  “Delight or Great Happiness.”

 Caroline:  “Joy, Song of Happiness, and Strong”

Having two fantabulous grandmothers, JOY and CAROLINE,  both turning 90 during this 10th pregnancy, and discovering I was finally having another GIRL, the challenge of how to incorporate both names, was one I was determined to conquer!  

 In June, I was secretly pregnant, and I traveled to see my Grandmother Caroline in Arizona.  Seeing her for the first time in 9 years, it was a visit I had long desired.  At age 89, she lives in a Alzheimer’s group home on hospice outside of Prescott.  Grandma always told me she would live with me once Grandpa passed – and made me agree to never “leave her living alone”.  Every time she visited me, she would point out and verbally confirm, which room was waiting for her.  I always imagined fun times she would have living with me and my children as she aged.   She was a vivacious woman, kind, witty, tough, and adventurous.  As a child I spent sick days, vacation days, doctors / teeth visits, and after school hours with her or at her home.  Countless hours chatting on the porch swing and rockers, baking, quilting, playing checkers and cards, reading books like “Barney Beagle”, talking about her trinkets and family history, exploring the maid-quarters staircase and attic, going out to lunch at Perkins for salad bread bowls, picking berries and making freezer jam, baking apple pie and rice crispy treats, and appreciating her lilacs, flowers, and gardens. I’ll never forget her taking me to Walmart to buy items I needed for college, she wanted to get me “towels and stuff”.  Her mind was in an out during our June visit – but I cherish her comments, “Darci was always around. Be a good girl.  I love you.  You are pillow-y. Why’s your skirt so long?”, and after a kiss on the lips, “Oh, that was a good one!”  When we were saying our final goodbyes, my heart was impressed that  I was having a girl, that I would use the name Caroline, and I had to suppress the urge to tell Grandma Caroline – yet I hadn’t even told Irv I was pregnant yet.

 Grandma Joy is independent, strong willed, perseverant, opinionated, hardworking, youthful, caring, serving and fun!  At 90, she lives alone in a large space, manages multiple rental properties, drives her car, goes shopping,  attends church regularly, volunteers at Hospice Thrift Store, still cooks for large numbers and holidays, sends birthday and anniversary cards to her numerous family members and all my children!, sends letters defending and debating her position on issues, cares for her adult children, and is full of life!  I have so many memories of her investing into my life.  While we lived tons of miles apart, I feel she was a great and frequent part of my childhood, and involved.  Her and Poppy would drive north to visit us in the fall and come to my soccer games, we’d visit her in Daytona Beach, FL over school breaks, and find our summer vacation in Ocean City, NJ with her spending hours at the beach, boardwalk, and having fun!  We loved to play Gin Rummy, have her breakfast treats, home cooked dinners, eat her white sliced cheese, get $1 worth of ice cream or lemon ice, and each day have fun!  My early years we even spent Christmas in CT, before she moved south. I have fond memories of her doing special presents, treats, mailing packages, and leaving me “candy necklace surprises” under my pillow when she would depart home after a visit.  I’ve received multiple advice letters from her through the years! She impressed upon me that I could do anything, be anything, and not to settle for mediocre ever.  Success was possible, and to aim higher than I believed possible.

I knew that both of my grandmother’s names MUST be in included in hers…  

Selah Joy Caroline

Selah: “To Praise, Pause and Exalt the Lord.”

Joy:  “Delight or Great Happiness.”   

Caroline:  “Joy, Song of Happiness, and Strong”

I absolutely love it.  It is HER.  

Seven Days – Selah Joy Caroline

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Seven days.  I awake without the cause being life scurrying within. Sugary treats are allowed, and my companion insulin shots and finger sticks are gone – the callouses and bruises are fading.  My night’s sleep is longer than four hours.  I rest soundly and longer, yet multiple awakenings from this gift.  I’m still tired, but because of life on the outside.  I can climb the stairs and pick up for floors, and extreme physical exhaustion and pain is no more. Yet, I miss life within.  Seven days – Selah Joy Caroline – we love you.

We celebrate her life.  I’m continuously proclaiming and whisper-praying, “Thank you Jesus for this gift.”  I’m in awe.  My heart is bursting.

If feels only a few days, they all run together.  Eating, feeding, sleeping, diapering, kissing, and snuggling. Children learning to share a sister, answering questions, and helping this miracle and gift of life, wash and fill every soul and heart in this home.

I’ve shared the excitement on social media, friends and family want to hear, and we all should “rejoice with those who rejoice”.  It’s fun to say “Salisbaby 10”, because it is just the craziest thing ever to write and say out loud.  I joke and say, “I’ve become my crazy patient” – the days I practiced medicine as a PA, I had some “crazy patients” with a lot of kids – like five or six, whom educated at home and declined many immunizations.  LOL.  

But in all seriousness, we did not strive to be birthing ten kids, or to homeschool – yet here we are.  We didn’t know that twelve years ago, when we felt three kids were enough – that Tucker’s life would soon end.  The Tucker chapters of our life story changed our hearts.  We survived by knowing and trusting God with death, that all of Tucker’s days were planned. “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:16   If we could trust HIM with death, we certainly could trust HIM with life.  The past twelve years since Tucker’s move to Heaven, we’ve wrestled with family size and planning, had 22 miscarriages throughout these past 23 years of marriage, and now birthed ten children.  We weren’t striving for this – it’s just where this journey of life and love has brought us.  In fact, for the first time – we’ve both commented this past year – “We have a lot of kids”.  

My heart has pondered much these past seven days – that many of our friends and family are hurting. I’m sensitive to the fact and have prayed that our celebration posts don’t hurt hearts, as others walk through the valley of death,  sit with empty arms or wombs, and are suffering in different capacities.  Social media portrays a still shot of life – it leaves room for interpretation and tone that the author may not intend – and we certainly are not boasting – only grateful for this gift of Selah Joy Caroline.  For those hurting, we acknowledge that and have been praying for you.  “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn.”

Now that birth has passed, I’ve pondered my funny and weary comments and attitudes throughout this pregnancy.  For some of them, I apologize to God and those that heard.  While they are a reflection of the difficulty of this tenth pregnancy, they also grieve my heart as pregnancy is such a gift and privilege. Now it’s over, and how could I ever say NO to such a gift!!!!     In jest, with a strong hint of seriousness – I have commented multiple times throughout Selah’s pregnancy, “I think I am done with this sport of birth, there comes a point in an athletes peek that they realize it is time to retire.”  It was a hard pregnancy as I never felt I had enough of me to complete anything well, and I always was slow, hurting, or exhausted in some capacity.  One morning as I rested on the kitchen bench, Irv commented, “Some women know they are done after one, two or three – you just took ten,” and we both laughed.  At an appointment with Dr. Grace, after hearing me comment that I was feeling complete – he replied, “Something tells me your body is done, and if you were here in a couple years desiring a baby, you wouldn’t be able to.” (My recent pregnancies have been spaced with miscarriages, required progesterone first trimester, and insulin shots 4+ times a day throughout.)   His words bothered me a lot, but they are likely true – and even more reason for me to cherish the days my womb was full – and that I did.  There was humor to share in the conception of this sweet girl.  When Dr. Grace reviewed the ultrasound and due date, it was 2+ weeks different than my cycle predicted – and holding up my iPhone I proclaimed, “That’s impossible, I have an app for this.”  He laughed, and replied, “Welcome to peri-menopause, I’ve seen it all –  all things are possible.”

This gift hangs on my bedroom wall.  So true, so true. (Weeks 2,3,4… posting soon)

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Tucker – Twelve Years in Glory

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As I approached this February 8th, my fatigued mind and days have been busy with a newborn, Selah Joy Caroline.   When I allow myself to enter the compartmentalization of grief, I’m repeatedly brought to the same three thoughts: “The Mighty One has done great things for me”,  the newest Tucker David, and a friend’s words “Someday in your free time you should write a book of all the stories Tucker’s life has touched.”    In summary, all three thoughts are a heart reminder of God’s faithfulness. And journeying through the todays of my life, I’ve really needed the reminder!

“For the Mighty One has done great things for me– holy is his name.“ (Luke 1:49) I understand the gift of a child and holding a newborn is a high where praise and thanks come easy.  However, I learned to give thanks in the valley low, and found the exercise to be healing and life changing. Altering my lens to see the gifts around me is a continuous need and secret of survival to live life fuller.  Twelve years ago just a short time after Tucker’s death, I journeyed down Watson-Hulburt Road on a morning quiet-time walk.   I was moved to cleavage-tear-prayers with my hands raised high, praying my uglies to God, that this was not my new-normal, my dreams and hopes dead, and left only with pain and trauma.  That moment is forever frozen in time as my heart was washed over with the scripture “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten.” (Joel 2:25)  This restoration promise in scripture was not written about me, yet at that moment I felt it spoken over my heart by God.  I prayed, worshiped and praised.  What it meant I did not know, other than God had it, all of it – my grief, my heart, my son, my family, my hopes, my future – my uglies.   These 2018 days while exhausted, have been slow, allowing time to ponder that scripture promise to my heart, and realize it’s fruition.  Thank you Jesus, for baby Selah Joy Caroline.  Thank you Jesus for all these gifts, for the works done these past 12 years.  HE is faithful.  My home is busy, my arms and lap are full, and there’s not enough of me to go around.  I stand amidst a great mission field, and I love my new normal.  HE’s got THIS.

Thought two: the new Tucker David.   As we walk through life, we never know whom is watching. Whether we are on the mountain high or the valley low, we have great influence.  This fall, a Sunday’s message had just been about suffering, delivered from a pastor dad that had recently buried his baby boy due to heart disease, and it stirred my mind and emotions.   Also, my belly was growing more round with Salisbaby10, hormones flowing strong, and I was starting to battle the fear and anxiety that comes after experiencing the death of a child and carrying new life with hopes and dreams and lack of control. That same week, Tuesday, while waiting for haircuts a few hours before our family photo shoot, my heart was a little off from reminders of Tucker’s absence as we prepared props and his framed photo.  I waited for my appointment, and scrolling through my phone I noticed a week-old, unread message from a sweet woman:

Hi Darci, I’m not sure if you remember me but I wanted to share the impact you have had on my life and the legacy I hope it has. 11 years ago I started attending church for the first time with my family as 15/16 year old. It was the very start of my faith journey. I decided to volunteer in the nursery and I had the most incredible encounter with your son, Tucker. I admired his adventurous spirit and the joy he brought to me and the room. I absolutely loved that little boy. When he passed, I was at his memorial with my family and I witnessed the most beautiful tension. I watched you closely. I watched you mourn but also celebrate and worship the Lord. I was so confused but knew that you and your family had something different. I was in awe. At that memorial service I said to myself that I would name my future child after Tucker, and this past weekend I found out I am having a little boy, Tucker. I can’t wait to share this story with my little boy and the joy of knowing Jesus, even through suffering. Thank you for being an incredible visual of faith in my early journey with Jesus and I hope this would make you proud.”

Tears flooded. A timely reminder, that God has a purpose, Tuckers life had a purpose, every life has a purpose.  This was a big HUG, and my heart was full.  Fast forward to 2018, just last week I received another message:

“Hi Darci, congratulations on a BEAUTIFUL baby girl. God has a beautiful and mysterious plan, last week I? was diagnosed with Preeclampsia at 35 weeks, so with my due date out of the picture now, we are planning to be induced, on February 8th. I? was reminded of Tucker’s passing today and how these two events will fall on the same day. I? am so grateful and totally feel like I? have a little angel watching over me and baby.”

Such a cool God-story.  Tucker David was born earlier this week, emergently, and I prayed and prayed for him.  I hope to meet him someday soon, I’m honored to know his name-story,  and I’m purposing to be his praying-friend all my days.  

My last thought on this Twelve Years in Glory, is a friend’s comment, “Someday you should write a book of all of the lives Tucker has touched”.  Between my fading memory and lack of time I doubt a book will be written, but there’s enough content for sure to fill one!   However,  it has been an excellent exercise to recall the stories.   Someday in Glory it will be exciting and an honor to learn fully how God used two years and nine months of a little boy’s life, and his vastly deficient parents – for a greater purpose.   

I’m encouraged by this February 8th reflections and happenings.  I’ve been in a life-place of spiritual lull, exhaustion, and busyness.  My 2018 word is REST, and I hope to do some reconnecting, repurposing and resetting on many fronts.   We all leave our mark wherever we are planted.  The horrific, traumatic loss of a child is unbearable, unexplainable, and incomprehensible.  But it is survivable.  I hope to not only survive, but thrive.  Only with God.

Got God Questions?  

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The Name: Creed Honor

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Creed: I believe the word and name Creed has been hidden in my heart for many years. First as a young Christian, married at the age of 18 and in my early 20’s, the song, Creed, after the Apostle’s Creed, by Rich Mullins became a favorite and still is. In 2014 Hillsong released another version, This I Believe, The Creed, again another favorite. Hearing the truths of the faith proclaimed and sung encourages and blesses – worshipful, and proclaiming the Biblical truths of Christianity. Secondly, in the gospel of Mark, 9:24, the dead boy’s father speaks to Jesus – “I believe; help my unbelief!” So often on my faith journey, I’ve spoken these same words to the Lord… “I believe Lord; but help my unbelief!” The the meaning of the name Creed is “belief; guiding principle; I believe” And lastly, about three years ago I read of a blogging friend naming her son Creed, and instantly put the name at the top of my baby boy name list. When we discovered this pregnancy was our eighth boy, I shared this name idea with the family, and did not receive strong support / feedback. I prayed that the Lord would take away the strong desire away and have me settle on a new name, or change the family. We gathered names: Titus, Asher, Jared, Boaz, Elias, Abram, Ezra, Canaan, Elias and Uriah. Sometime in March, Irv mentioned that Creed was growing on him, and would be a good choice… yay!

Meaning: “belief; guiding principle; I believe”
Origin: Latin credo, “I believe”, from credere ‘to believe’.
Old English creda “article or statement of Christian belief
Creed reached its top rank of #987 in the U.S. in the 1880s, and is currently at #1357. (Top 2000 Names, 2015)
1880-1910 last recorded in top 1000, highest in 1884 #713

Video: CREED  originally by Rich Mullins Creed

Video:  This I Believe – The Creed, by Hillsong Worship

Honor: I would have loved to choose two middle names, but that’s not our tradition, and we felt should stick to it. In the runnings were Asher, Jared, Berean, Courage, Truth, Warrior, Zeal and Honor. I loved Honor, Asher (8th son of Jacob), and Jared (my awesome brother) – all for different reasons. Honor is something I have purposed to teach and raise my sons to be, men or honor. I read an excellent parenting book on honor, many years ago, and made a teaching sheet to keep in my “Mama Time” flip charts for school. Honor: Treating People as special; Doing more that what’s expected; and Having a good attitude. Also, when discussing middle names with Hunter last month, he commented, “Mom, I’d love to have a middle name like Honor, I’d want to live up to it.” I hope and pray Creed will live to be a man of honor, love and honor God and glorify Him with his life.

  • My definition- Honor:  1. Treating People as special; 2. Doing more that what’s expected; and 3. Having a good attitude
  • high respect; esteem.
  • To honour a promise or agreement is to do what you said you would
  • a privilege.
  • fulfill (an obligation) or keep (an agreement).
  • respect that is given to someone who is admired
  • good reputation : good quality or character as judged by other people
  • high moral standards of behavior
  • chastity, purity, fought fiercely for her honor and her life
  • a keen sense of ethical conduct :  integrity “a man of honor”
  • Synonyms 1. probity, uprightness. Honor, honesty, integrity, sincerity refer to the highest moral principles and the absence of deceit or fraud. Honor denotes a fine sense of, and a strict conformity to, what is considered morally right or due: a high sense of honor; on one’s honor. Honesty denotes the presence of probity and particularly the absence of deceit or fraud,

The gift of Salisbaby#9, astounds my heart.  10 years ago, I buried Tucker White Salisbury just before his third birthday.  Traumatic and awful.  That spring 2006, I vividly recall walking down Watson Hulburt Road, one early morning, headed down the hill before the Otto’s driveway – raising my hands in worship and strolling along in conversation with the Lord.  I don’t remember what I was praying about – but I clearly remember the Holy Spirit filling my heart with the words – “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,” (Joel 2:25).  I didn’t have an expectation, nor did I have any idea what such words meant, but I knew God was telling me He was taking care of everything.  And today, this I do know: the Lord has been so greatly faithful to me.  Great Is His Faithfulness, and I can’t help but praise Him for this miraculous birth of Creed Honor, my eighth son and ninth baby, and know it is Him again restoring unto me that which was stolen, and for this grace, I don’t deserve.

 

Decade

I had a hopeful saying in my 20s, “four kids by 30.” I was excited to discover around my 29th birthday that I was expecting baby #4! With boys ages 5 1/2, 4, and 2 1/2, our home was busy. And with my belly growing daily, it appeared my hopeful saying was to come to fruition.

February 8th 2006, stands as the “baddest day” of my life. My precious 2 years-9 months old son, Tucker, was found dead in his crib, by his Daddy. No amount of CPR or screaming out to God would change it. He was gone from us. Our world crashed. Five months passed and much investigations, to receive a death certificate: seizure disorder & bronchial pneumonia. Too many details to share – tuckersalisbury.com.

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For a decade, we’ve journeyed with God through a darkest valley, more trials, and are changed and now living our new normal.

Recently I turned 39. Around this birthday celebration I discovered I was expecting Salisbaby#9. I’m long humbled past declarations of “blank blank by 40″, and was grateful for whatever the Lord had planned for this year. (We’ve experienced approximately 19 miscarriages but have chosen to count those birthed.)

As this February 8th, 2016 drew near, snuggling my now 2 year- 9 months old sweet son, Zion Valor, spread over this ever growing pregnant belly, I was overwhelmed by strong emotions of being in a similar place as 10 years ago…
Pregnant, blessed, and rocking a sweet 2 years-9 months old little boy in my arms… On the cusp of turning another decade older.

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10 years.
This day came and went – February 8th, 2016. My schedule was full – meetings, schooling, errands, quick jaunt to cemetery, home to make dinner, babysitting for a friend while my Biggies & Dad were out for evening activities, and finally bed at 10:30 for all. Long day. I sunk into bed, no bedtime routine for me, same clothes and no charging my precious cell phone.

In hindsight, it was too long and busy of a day.
10 years have taught me much about grief.
It happens. Whether we want it to or not. It’s not predictable or to be controlled. If you don’t purposefully make time for it, it will come.

I released emotion a couple days prior, when I received a text from a dear friend with a photo of Tuck’s Pooh Bear on his gravestone. It was refreshing to remember and to feel. Numbness has a way of becoming normal in grief. I prayed and reflected, it was good.

Yesterday, Tucker’s 10 year anniversary of his Move to Heaven Day, a few countable tears, while I shared with an acquaintance a brief overview of Tuck’s story. I wrapped up the brief emotion, concluded the meeting, and headed home to a full schedule. I answered many questions from the children about Tucker, what happened, and about Heaven. Ving and Hunter, the boys-now-men that lived through it didn’t say much. The younger five only know what they learn of grief and Tucker from us, so they talk, and ask, and try to relate. “This is very, very, sad.” Was a profound statement from a Middle, as I witnessed him wrestle in his heart the emotion and reality. I was conscious to keep environment healthy for the children to process and grieve.

Many sweet and thoughtful messages of love and remembrance filled my phone and FB. Thank-you, each was received, read, pondered, and appreciated. I was surviving the day, purposefully not engaging grief or replying.

I haven’t been a fan of the cemetery, and rarely found it helpful to visit. My son wasn’t there. Irv however, spent many hours caring for Tuck’s space and visiting. Last February 8th we were out of town, and I really longed to be able to take the family to Tuck’s gravesite. The day felt dark, dreary and I experienced an early miscarriage so was secluded to bed, far from home. That day, a sweet text delivered a hug, a heart purposefully grief-stomped in the snowy tundra, around his gravestone. Significant photo as I was wrestling with feeling loved, God’s love, and grief.

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As this year’s date approached, 10 years, I marked the calendar for 4:00, “pick up Dad at work and go to Oakwood.” With 9 balloons in hand, we loaded the Salisbus and made the journey across town. Balloons have been part of our grief journey. Tucker’s funeral service wasn’t complete without many. We’ve released them multiple times on his memorial dates. As the cashier inflated my yellow smiley balloons yesterday, he repeatedly commented, “I can’t fill these without smiling and laughing.” I drove home thinking about the joy of heaven and Tucker.

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The visit was short and sweet. The children measured themselves against Tucker’s life-size photo commenting on his stature for just 2 years – 9 months, so tall. Questions began. We remembered and discussed the many words and photos etched into his memorial stone. His blue pacifier, thomas train, green Build-A-Bear Frog in attempts to potty train, Pooh Bear, Taggie, and his few words: “Super-Batman, eggs & sausage, B-I-B-L-E, M-mmmmm Mom, Twinkle-Twinkle, Jesus, broccoli-celery, you back!, you okay?” His favorite song, Jesus Loves Me, and comforting scriptures of the hope of Heaven, God’s faithfulness, and how He knows each of our every days from first breath to death.

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10 years. Life continues. I survived the day, celebrated, engaged with children about death and grief, remembered, and kept busy.

Today, February 9th – I awoke with overwhelming grief. I know better. I know that if I attempt to survive, but don’t stop and make time to grieve, process with Jesus, it will determine its own. Grief determined today.

It took all I had to get out of bed. Children’s backpacks ready, filled with Valentines to distribute to friends at CC Co-op party. Individual presentations ready, completed and packed. Lunch boxes awaiting just ice packs in the fridge. Clothes laid out and ready for warm bodies. I awoke everyone, already later than needed, and I jumped in the shower. Anger, frustration, tears, and overwhelming emotions I could not tame. From shower to arrival to CC, I interacted with seven loved ones not well: teenagers texting to bring them forgotten items, children fighting, children crying, children teasing, children not getting ready, laundry still in washers from yesterday despite verbal and written requests to be taken care of, bad grades on essays, too many words, children fighting over van seats, child crying over forgotten lunch box in van – it was a normal morning. But I was ugly and unable to function. I cried, yelled, was angry, inpatient, disciplined, and all was just wrong. I needed alone time. I know better. If I don’t find my Jesus time to process grief, life and emotions – grief and sin will win.

Arrival at CC campus had me unable to enter public. Ugly. Grief attack. They used to happen often, but now they are few and far between. A friend escorted the children into building, while I found this far away parking space that I’ve been tucked into the past 2 hours. Grief is here. God is here. I am grateful, but still too ugly. Tears and boogers won’t stop.

Thank you for prayers, support, patience, understanding, resources, remembering, loving, caring, and journeying with me. I miss Tucker, I miss him much. But mostly, I remember joyfully and I am grateful for the gift of Tucker, the blessing of the Tucker chapters in my life story and all that God has done through Tuck.

We speak of Tucker whenever the topic or memory surfaces; with love, joy, and honesty.

10 years. Ten is a big number, a decade. In the moments it doesn’t seem possible to have been so long ago that he was our normal, but at the same time it is forever ago I loved on him. The past decade has been a journey of grief, hope, joy, and experiencing the faithfulness of God.

We have a new normal. Our family was a family of five 10 years ago, and now we are soon to be a family of eleven.

The first days of grief I asked God for a rhema, a specific Word from the scriptures, to anchor my aching heart. Psalm 40:1-4 it was, and while I didn’t understand it all at that time, these words are profound and true to my journey.

“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.”

I’ve been reminded lately of all the lives changed and touched by Tucker’s life, and what God had done through his short time on earth, “Many will see and fear the Lord, and put their trust in him.” It’s humbling. I believe there are many I will never know this side of Heaven. It’s a privilege to be his Mmmmm-Mom.

I could provide long lists of the my battles and struggles this decade has journeyed. As well as longer lists of blessings, gratefulness and gifts. But that’s all of our lives, isn’t it?

I am glad to have the Truth to cling to, the Savior Jesus to free me to survive in this sin filled world and truly live.

I made it home from CC co-op now, and was greeted by my independent, adolescent man, asking about the morning. My tears came again. He approached with out stretched arms, and hugged me long. Not a typical gesture for his young man. I cried and discussed grief, I asked for forgiveness for this mornings words and anger, and I was forgiven. He found me a tissue, stating, “Yesterday was a really hard day for me too, Mom. I cried a lot. The cemetery was tough.” It felt good to hear his words, to know he remembers, cares, is tender, and grieves too. May he be a better Man for loving, grieving, and comforting.

The years and decades will pass.
I will love and live each day that God gives me, to their fullest.
My Move-To-Heaven day could be now, or 4-5 more decades.
Regardless, some days will be ugly, some cloudy, some pretty and many sunny.
I pray I seek Jesus more, grow in humility, say sorry when needed, love my husband better, mother these children with supernatural power, show kindness and Jesus to those in my sphere of influence, forgive, and may I live and celebrate life loud.

Soon, and very soon, I am going to see the Lord … And my Sweet Tucker.

? “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 (NLT)

Are you needing more? Comfort, healing, love, and emptiness filled? Please ask me, and check out: http://proverbs31.org/do-you-know-jesus/ and www.GotQuestions.org

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