“Am I willing to do what God asks of me? Am I willing”
I’ve asked myself this question recently in different areas of my life.
My heart eagerly says YES!
But as I walk out my obedience, willingness isn’t simple.
Nine months ago, I was invited by some dear friends, to speak at their church’s Mother’s Day Spring Brunch.
Public speaking, really, isn’t my friend.
However, I believe with all my heart, that the very least we can do for our faithful Lord, is stand up and proclaim His faithfulness to the world.
I told HIM 4 years ago, that I would share my testimony of His faithfulness if ever asked. (But I reminded Him many times of why He should not have people ask me!)
I humbly accepted the invitation.
Beautiful today, was their event.
The past nine months, my heart has pondered the message for this day. God provided an abundance of content. I learned so much in gathering my information. I approached my preparations by journaling my thoughts and lessons learned, and before I knew it I had 19 points and 50 pages.
This left me very overwhelmed. My sweet business-man hubby came to my rescue, providing tutoring in narrowing my focus and making an outline.
Over these past months, I’ve asked God to show me why I hated the thought of the approaching event and having to do public speaking? If I want to share His faithfulness, if I want to live my life to encourage others to cling to Jesus, why does my flesh abound in stress over such an opportunity?
Regarding public speaking and my flesh, I’ve learned:
- I fear that I might fail and be horrible for the audience. – pride
- I lack the skill-set to prepare an outline and give oral presentations
- I worry I might let people down in their expectations / desires of me
- I take the responsibility so seriously that preparations occupy all the free space in my mind, 24/7
- I dream and imagine great and mighty harvest coming from me sharing God’s faithfulness, but it is in a very unrealistic, dreamy imagery - like it isn’t really ME – it’s someone else.
- I do not think I am good at it, at all.
- I don’t like people staring at me.
- What would I possibly have to say that people would want to spend their precious time to listen to me?
You probably already see it, huh? The I, I, I part and the me, me, me-s?
Regarding God I’ve been reminded:
- 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I know God called me to share my heart today. I do not understand why He asked this of me, knowing how I don’t like it and all… but I know He asked me. So I did it. It wasn’t easy. But in faith, I walked forward. I was weak, His grace was sufficient, and His power rested on me.
The Evil One confirmed I was about Kingdom-business. As you know, I’ve been weak and walking through trials recently. And, just as I was leaving this am, I realized there was a quarter-plus sized hole in the butt of my dress. I spilled a glass of water all over myself moments before going up to speak. When it was time for me to share the message of my heart, the restaurant we were in was filling with regular customers who sat right in the room, were talking and eating, while I was speaking over them. My spirit felt heavy… but also filled with confident peace that God knew each detail and had a purpose for it all.
I know it wasn’t a great presentation. I have to honest. I felt like I just read my notes. My face was bright red and I’m sure my neck was covered with hives. (I didn’t vomit and only had diarrhea once.) But I trust and believe that God’s Word doesn’t return void, and even if nobody left encouraged to cling to Jesus, I walked in willing obedience as an honor and glory to my God.
I believe as we are willing and obedient to follow God, even when it is difficult, we are blessed in the process. I learned much as I prepared. I had special moments with Irv in my preparations. Today I was encouraged by the sweet ladies of CLC, they are dear to my heart. I was loved on by my mama-friend T.M., touched deep in my heart by her loving introduction, and thankful she sewed up the hole in my butt at a record speed! I was surprised to see my special mentor-friend from 10 years ago there today, a gift. Eden Grace came and it was our first mother-daughter event. The location was beautiful, I love water! I took off my shoes, the sand squished between my toes, and the 40 degree lake water was crisp. Delightful, indeed.
Experiencing the sufficiency of God’s grace and power through my weakness today, gets me all charged up and on fire! I accomplished a task I could only do in His mighty strength. I love that about being weak – HE makes us strong.
When I experience the power of God like this, it makes me feel so bold and excited to tell everyone about Christ. Bold to go out on a limb, more than usual. I keep thinking about my new neighbor Wendy I met yesterday, and how I have to go talk to her about Jesus, invite her and her 2 sons to church, and maybe bring them dinner next week. I imagine the mighty things God will do with my family for His kingdom. He is amazing and gets me so excited. It makes me want to BE the church, to DO, to ACT.
Willingness. What a ride this area of obedience and willingness has been these past nine months.
I’m encouraged … I pray by sharing my heart here, you are encouraged to be willing.
Is God asking something of you?
I know there are more places I desire to be willing and obedient with God. He is asking. I am willing. But I know it isn’t simple.
Lord, I am willing.
Lord, I am weak.
Lord, thank you for Your sufficient grace and power.
Believing God with you girlfriends,
Good-night…
Love,
Darci
P.S. My strength increased much this past Thursday. Thank you for your prayers and love. I am getting stronger each day. My dizziness and palpitations are minimal, and I’m looking forward to digging in the garden soon!
