homegrowing

If you get a minute, please click over to  Large Family Mothering and read this post by ladyofvirture.   I happened  upon it a few days ago and was blessed.   (I  love the comments.)   Convicting.  Holy Spirit led.  Wisdom.  God’s Word.

I’ve been reminded and convicted  multiple times  since reading, about this very topic.

I surrender my all to Jesus.  My goal is glorify Him and live out my high calling in homegrowing.

Yet, my sin … anger, selfishness, pride and impatience  erupt daily.

I pray that His grace will fill my many cracks in my parenting and  children’s hearts.  I believe He can and will do this!

I long to love these little ones like Jesus does.  But, it is not natural for me.    I am not a great nurturer and loving in my own strength… I’m selfish, very impatient, easily angered, lazy in consistency, and not super compassionate.

And, I HAVE GREAT KIDS!

My thoughts at times can  wander…  perhaps something is wrong with me, that I don’t love my kids enough or I’m not a great mom.   But  I know that is Satan and  sin.  I  have Jesus, He loves me, gave me these children, and entrusts them to me.

In Titus 2:4, God’s word tells the older women “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,” I am encouraged to know that if I didn’t need encouragement or help in  how to LOVE my children more, God wouldn’t have commanded the older women to teach on this very subject.

I shouldn’t compare myself to other mothers.  While I can be encouraged by some,  I also can become proud of myself or complacent, after observing other moms in the world.   We should not compare.  I need to look at my mothering with the standard and wisdom of God’s Word, and what the Holy Spirit leads my husband and I to do with our OWN  children.

Just today I reacted snappy when the orange juice spilled while a sweet brother was pouring for another,  and again when milk was spilt 30 seconds later by another sweet brother helping a little one.   Maybe the third time I would have laughed?

I get frustrated with my sin.  I know I shouldn’t snap, but it  happened so fast.   Still wrong.  Required repairing of relationships.

We are writing a report this week, for the first time.   My initial reaction, drill Sergent teacher, was lacking in love and compassion.  That method didn’t work.  It only stirred up anger and frustration.  Each day  the Lord is growing me through report writing.  I’m seeing  fruit  in my child as I love him  in a way that only comes from Jesus in me.

My feisty three year old seeks love differently than the others.  After mommy-mistakes today,  we loved each other on the floor with Lego’s, snuggles, and back-scratches.  “I love you mom, and  snuggling too….”  he reported.   What a difference in his behavior  following our Isaac-Time, speaking his love language, and parenting at his heart.

Connecting heart strings, loving discipline, and  increased consistency are my parenting goals of late…in Jesus’ strength.

I close tonight encouraging us all to love the children in our lives… of all ages… with the abundant love of God  through us.

Father God, please help us love our children in Your strength.   We surrender our sin and bad habits to your healing, convicting, and forgiveness.  Help us be loving and consistent.  May we spend more time with You, in prayer and in Your Word.  May you fill us with the fruits of Your Spirit as we love, parent, and nurture our kiddos… that they will see You, love You, and feel You through us.  Thank you for children and the gift  they are in our lives … In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

I have to remind myself daily to stop and play with the treasures.   It isn’t natural for me.   I don’t like admitting that.  Playing with them is fun!  I just seem to find much else to do.  Some daily necessities, but most are just distractions.

Last weekend, I rolled in the grass and wrestled the little boys outside.  It was awesome.  I was purposeful.  We laughed and laughed.  Smiled and smiled.  The following days, Isaac would approach me and say, “Smile, Mommy. Smile.”  He was referring to the fun memories we had made together.

I played trains today.  I loved it.  They loved it.  I am purposing to play more.

Yes, I have to do my duties and responsibilities; but, I am realizing that heart-strings are knit while we play and spend time together.

Having their hearts is of utmost importance as I lead them to Jesus.

Which will REALLY matter in 20 years?

Not my dishes.  Nor my email, computer, or entertainment.

Cleaning and scrubbing
can wait til tomorrow,
For babies grow up,
I’ve learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby,
and babies don’t keep.

~Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Eden Grace feet, on her “birth” day!

Six weeks have flown by.  I can’t believe it.  I need to sort through her clothes this weekend and wash the 3-6 month sizes. She is very long in height. (Does that make sense?)   She is approximately 11#, sleeping 7 hours a night, and such a delight.  I’m in love!

Indeed, babies don’t keep.

“It is not important who does the planting, or who does the watering.

What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.”  1 Corinthians 3:7

I can get stressed out about my children’s “end result”.  Am I parenting them well?  Is this right?  Is that right?  Am I messing them up?  Will they need therapy to deal with the sin-issues they observe in their mother?

Honestly, my greatest concern is: Will they love God and His Word?  I pray so.  God has no grand-children.

Will they have their own personal relationship with Him?   I pray God will reveal Himself to them in a mighty way…. knit their tender hearts to His.

I recently came across 1 Corinthians 3:7.   “It is not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.”

As I pour love and instruction into my treasures… I am planting and watering their hearts.   I am doing the best I know how.   I shouldn’t freak out and get stressed – be anxious for nothing!  I also should not  get prideful and trust that they will turn out wonderful because I do such & such, I homeschool, take them to church, or do __________.  … because of ME.

This scripture truth comforts my heart!  I cling to the truth that GOD MAKES THE SEEDS GROW!   What a relief… I can trust Him with their hearts.   I can trust His guidance and that His grace will fill in all my cracks.

I was comforted by this scripture and the  Lord also  gifted me with real life, visible fruitfulness at soccer camp.

We avoided summer soccer league purposefully to help conserve our family time, schedule, and evenings.   Since they have not had any formal soccer skill training,  a five day morning camp, with the town rec was a great opportunity.    The boys  received instructional skills to bring home and practice in the yard.  Also, in living with severe food allergies, this was the first time we have taken them somewhere corporate, and dropped them off.

The visible growing seeds:

1) Driving out of the parking lot after soccer camp pick up…

son: “Mom, when I get mad, frustrated, or angry … like  I want to hit someone or something, I just go get my Bible and read it, and my heart feels better.”

Mom: “What?”

son: repeated himself … “Mom, when I get mad, frustrated, or angry … like  I want to hit someone or something, I just go get my Bible and read it, and my heart feels better.”

Mom: “When?”

son: “At soccer camp.”

Mom: “When? How?” (shocked and confused)

son: “During breaks and stuff.  We get to go get a drink.”

Mom: “What do you do?”

son: “I get my backpack, get out  my Bible, and read something.  It makes my mad heart, feel happy – and then I go back and play again.”

Mom: “You have a Bible in your backpack at soccer camp?”  (Amazed. We struggled each day to make sure we had our water bottles and sneakers!)

son: “I like this little blue one.”  (He happily opens his bag and shows me his little Gideon New Testament)

Mom: “Cool…”  (and a bunch of other good mommy words and talk about Jesus and scripture equipping us)

2) During evening family Bible time that week we were studying Romans 1:18-32 .  We discussed how many people and children in the world believe and have been taught:  to do whatever it takes to get ahead, that there is nobody to answer to, if you can get away with it, go ahead, and that it’s okay to take credit for others work.  We each shared some examples.

One son shared about soccer camp:

Mom’s summary:  The referee couldn’t see the play well and called a goal scored.  The referee was looking for some input.    Son was close to the goal and told his team-mate  that the goal did NOT go in.  They both were on the team that were given credit for the scored goal.   His friend said “Well, the referee didn’t see it and we need the goal to win.”   Son instead told the referee the truth.  This actually happened twice in that game.  Both times, son made an honorable choice.  His team actually lost 1-0, and would have won 2-1.  His team-mate was a bit upset at him.

I write these words to not mommy-brag, but to record the faithfulness and awesomeness of my God and Savior.  I was struggling this week with mommy-confidence.    I was weary about dropping and leaving them at camp for 2 hours.   In the midst of these emotions, the Lord comforted my heart with scripture and visible fruitfulness.

I am a blessed mommy of wonderful treasures!  Awe.

Join me in telling God our concerns today.

Let’s give them to Him, in prayer – and be anxious for nothing!

Trusting He hears us.   Let’s be looking for Him working in our lives – He is faithful.

“…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV)

As we drove to church this morning, I asked Irv some questions regarding “The joy of the LORD is my strength.” I know my joy is from the Lord, and not things or circumstances. We’re enduring life because of Jesus, yet I don’t FEEL STRONG these days, or even these past years.

2006 brought grief that Jesus carried us through, and these recent days are tiresome and full of change as we make choices to be obedient to Christ and follow Him.

Today, November 9th, marks the first day that our sweet Tucker has lived more “earth days” with Jesus, than with us. Significant to my heart. I rejoice for Tucker being in eternity with Jesus, yet my mommy heart misses him so much.

As we finished our drive to church, I pondered that this strength Nehemiah is referring to is not a feeling. Jesus is enough, without anything else. The joy is from clinging to Him, and it is the strength that carries us through our faith journey. We don’t have to FEEL the strength, it just is.

I was blessed to be in church today. Wonderful worship. Wonderful preaching… direct into my heart.

As pastor taught, the the Holy Spirit reminded me of God’s great faithfulness in my life.

1) The practice of thankfulness

When life crashed down on me, as I suffocated in grief and despair, in the mud and the mire, God met me like never before. I flashed back: curled into a ball on the floor of my bedroom closet, desiring death and Heaven, gasping for air as I cried and cried. No words, only prayers of moans, with the occasional words “Help me Jesus”. (Now, I call these grief attacks help-me-Jesus-prayers.)

After pouring out all that I had before the Lord, He gently prodded me to be thankful. This repeated occasion after occasion. As I would gain my ability to speak, I would speak out loud everything I was thankful for. I didn’t want to live, and there was not a thankful thought in my body. However, the Holy Spirit helped me… “thank you for these shoes, thank you for these clothes, thank you for my toilet, thank you for….” What began as thanking Him for what was visibly before my eyes, transformed into noticing His provisions of every detail for our family’s needs, God’s grace, mercy, and faithfulness, His presence, His power. Speaking words of thankfulness out loud transformed my heart, mind, and miraculously brought my spirit joy amidst the pain. This is a great lesson that I try to carry with me – the practice of stopping amidst the craziness of life and speaking my thankfulness to the Lord. It is miraculous.

2) I have no greater joy than to know my children walk in truth

I cried as Pastor shared his heart today about his children’s salvation. He cried. I was moved. The gentleman behind me was sobbing. I cried as I agreed and remembered the reality in my heart.

Two weeks before Tucker died, we went to the movie theater to view “The End of the Spear”. As the credits rolled, I sobbed. I spoke to the Lord and those around me: “This is what I am raising my boys for. Not for Harvard, but to serve Jesus with their lives. If they become a young missionary and die, serving Christ, Heaven bound, what greater hope can I have for them? For my boys to give their lives for Christ!” I was greatly moved, and reminded of my greatest goal.

Approximately two weeks after Tucker died, during a grief attack in my closet, conversing with Jesus in help-me-Jesus-prayer-style, the Lord suddenly reminded me of the movie and my prayer / comment. “This Lord? This is not what I meant! He as only here for almost 3 years!” I prayed. The Lord comforted my soul with Psalm 40:3b “Many will see, and fear, and put their trust in the Lord”. My prayer in that movie theater, for Tucker’s eternity had been answered. Although my heart ached, I could trust God and rejoice in the truth that Tucker was in Heaven because of Jesus, and his short life was glorifying the Lord, just as I prayed for only weeks before. Great is His faithfulness!

I cried tears today as I thanked the Lord for Tucker being safe in the arms of Jesus. I cried tears for my other four little men (and another on the way)…. may they accept and fall under the grace of Jesus, keep their hearts tender toward the Lord, and be great warriors for Christ. Oh, there is no greater hope or joy!

3) gospel of grace

I cried and thanked the Lord for His gospel of grace. I am thankful to hear it preached from the pulpit week after week. I need to hear it. I pray for all the ears and hearts it pierces, that they too will rejoice and say YES to Him.

When we arrived home, I found my weekly missionary newsletter from the Smiths in my inbox. More hugs from the Lord and reminders of His faithfulness. Scriptures that pierced and comforted my heart: His word does not return void! His ways and thoughts are so much higher than mine! Lean not on my own understanding, but in all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my paths! Then, for the first time since it was read at Tucker’s funeral…. I saw the poem, He Maketh No Mistake at the bottom of her email. All a reminder and gift to me today, from Jesus.

HE MAKETH NO MISTAKE

My Father’s way may twist and turn,

My heart may throb and ache,

But in my soul I’m glad I know,

He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,

My hopes may fade away,

But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,

For He doth know the way.

The night be dark and it may seem,

That day will never break,

I’ll pin my faith my all in HIM,

He maketh no mistake.

There’s so much now I cannot see,

My eyesight far too dim.

But come what may, I’ll simply trust

And leave it ALL to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift, And plain it all He’ll make

Through all the way, though dark to me

He Made not ONE mistake.

Felt led to share my ramblings of praise and thankfulness.
Sweet blessings!